I looked through my stuff and saw a sheet of paper torn in half. This was a letter from the school director of Xavier, Fr. Johnny Go. The letter brought back some of the memories and bitterness from that day. Here's what happened:
I, along with 10-15 other people failed during our 4th year in high school, to make up for it, we had to take summer class AND we were not allowed march up the stage for the graduation ceremony. I begged my Christian Life Education teacher to help me in some way. I only needed 2 points to pass, but this Singaporean brother was very strict about it. So, my next option was to go higher up.. Ms. Elsa Santos, the CLE department chair.
I don't really remember our conversation, but long story short... I had to go even HIGHER.. Ms. Jane Cacacho, our Principal.
I wasn't afraid of Mrs. Cacacho, she was a friendly principal. Whenever I speak to her, it feels like I'm speaking to an older sister. I sent her a letter stating that I would do ANYTHING just to march up the stage during graduation.
"I would take a test, if I have to just to prove I know the lesson, but was just a bit tardy during class"
"I'd also be fine if I were to still continue summer classes even after the ceremonies"
Again, I was rejected
By this time, I had already started taking the summer classes, but all hope was not yet lost. "I can still march.." I thought to myself. How stupid I was to think that.
During one of my summer classes, I sat in one of the summer classes for those who failed Chinese and it was then that I found out that they were going to march. They were allowed to take an exam which proved they knew the lesson well enough and that they should be given the right to march
MOTHERFUCKERS..
The week before graduation, everyone else was allowed to march save for me and Lendle. It hurt me so much that these other people were given a chance to graduate while I wasn't. But agian, I still have not lost hope. There was one more chance, I could go even higher up.. Fr. Johnny Go.
I wrote a letter similar to what I had written to Mrs. Cacacho and dropped it off at his office. A few hours later, my phone rang and the secretary told me to meet Fr. Go the next day.
I was afraid. I knew Fr. Go was a really nice person, he was kind and gentle, but the mere fact that he's the school director means he can be pretty intimidating. He wasn't.
I went in his office which was half as big as our classrooms. On one side were shelves upon shelves of Encyclopedias and books. In the middle was a coffee table surrounded by 4 long couches. On the other side was his desk which was even bigger than any table in Xavier I could find...
I sat down in one of the couches and here is how the conversation went
Fr. Go: What's in the bag?
Me: Oh, just some extra clothes (in truth, they were my school uniform. I was hoping that if I was
allowed, I could change into it and join the practice)
Fr. Go: I see, so Sean.. Tell me what happened?
Me: Well, it's really my fault that I failed, I understand that, but I know I failed not because I didn't
know the lesson. I failed because I was lazy.
Fr. Go: Lazy in what way? Submitting requirements? studying?
Me: Submitting requirements. That's the only reason I failed because my quizzes are fine, they're not that
high, but I did not fail any of them...
Fr. Go: So tell me, how can you prove that you are worthy of being called a Xaverian?
That question struck me.. I had no clue what to say.. I had one last card I can show.. and that's what I did..
Me: Although I wasn't allowed to take extra-curricular activites, I am very active in the summer activities
led by the school. I am a proud member of Para Kay Kiko 5 years running....
Fr. Go: I don't mean that.. I mean, when you graduate, who will you become? Cause I can let you off the
hook in just a snap, but if I do, how will you take it?
Me: Umm.. like I said, I'm very active in socio-civic activities.
Fr. Go : Yes, I understand that, but look at it this way.. If I do not allow you to march, it might be a lesson
to you to better yourself. Letting you march might be a wrong decision as it will only make you
think that you can get your way whenever you want.
Me: Ohh.
Fr. Go: You're a very articulate person, Sean. I like that of you. Seeing you and hearing you speak, I don't
understand why you failed in any subject at all.
That's how the conversation went.. more or less...
That afternoon, I was in grad practice (I was there to, again, watch.. just in case I would be allowed to join in..) when my phone rang. It was the secretary telling me to go back to the office in an hour. That's what I did. She handed me a letter from Fr. Go. This was the moment of truth, but I don't think I could handle reading it alone.
I went back to the grad practice which had moved to the MPH. I was with my adviser and I showed her the letter. My friends Marquis and Jan were looking at me, they knew what was happening.
I opened the letter and my dreams came shattering down. I was not allowed to march. It was the final decision and there's no other person I could talk to..
2 days later, I showed up in the graduation ceremony in a barong. I sat at the back along with Mr. Cabanos, the CMSO personnel and we had a chat. It was awkward being there as there were people who knew me and knew that I should be graduating... I felt like I just got kicked out of my school. As if I was chewed out by the one whom I swore to come back to one day and proudly say, "I graduated here.."
I hate it now..
and when I do get successful, I am not gonna say that I was a Xaverian because, after all, I passed Xavier, but I did not graduate from it..
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